Forgiveness
by Rosie
Summary: Cloud's POV. After a close encounter with losing his self control Cloud reflects on his feeling for Tifa he can longer hide, But he feels guilt having to let Aries go. He looks for forgiveness. T/C


I ran my fingers through my clean hair, the showers hot running water was washing away the smoky smell from the bar last night, but it could not rid me of the images that had awoken me.

Even as I pressed the heels of my palms against my closed eyes and prayed for release I am still haunted by my past.

The visions of pure horror and terror that plagued my sleep were normally dormant during the day, but after last night they returned, worse for a long time.

If there was some way I could erase the past, then I would gladly take it, but for now I had to live with my own nightmares.

I quickly snatch the towel from the rail and dried.

I need air, I need to think, to try and clear my mind, to calm myself.

I knew where I could find the solitude I needed.

* * *

Watery sun beams fought their way through the holes in the roof of the church. The giant pool in the centre shone brightly reflecting light off the crumbling walls and broken pews.

I lay in the flowers with my eyes closed, the demons of my mind falling silent for the time being.

Yesterday had been close, I knew it then, and know it now. We had been close, forced to work in the cramped bar filled to bursting point. The bustle of the evening job kept my mind occupied it made a distraction to the beauty on the bar beside me.

As the hours wore on the crowd of rowdy punters began to slowly file out, some however needed more persuasion then others.

Those are the times I wish I was somewhere else, those drunken men starring and flirting with her. It made my blood boil, yet she enjoyed every moment of it as if teasing me. Maybe she's just playing along; we both know where the line had been drawn and what to do when it is crossed.

It was the early hours when we finally closed, shepherding the lost few out of the door.

That's when the line was crossed.

The last man, surprisingly fast considering how much he had consumed twisted in Tifa's grip forcing his lips onto her and tearing her top in the process.

His friends where cheering in my grip at his success.

Utterly horrified and disgusted I pushed the whistling men aside and spun, my ears pounding and my fists clenched tightly.

I couldn't tell if Tifa was actually enjoying this or was just taken by pure surprise at first, but as I approached the drunken man was widening the tare in her blouse she was beginning to fight back.

I had never felt so worked up before, I was angry and disgusted. I hit him square in the nose. He staggered back, blood pouring down his face, but he did not leave as I had requested. Instead he squared his shoulders and stepped towards me, again my fist found his face and was sticky in with blood.

Jealousy had consumed me.

In the sanctuary of the church I opened my eyes and rubbed my knuckles that were still off colour.

I never could understand her. Tifa was always a mystery to me, an item I was always forbidden as a child, yet someone I idealised, cherished and loved from afar.

Always from a distance, never up close.

Then, what happened last night?

She pulled me back and took me into her arms. I was so consumed in my own aggression to recognise the compassion she was showing me.

Just being that close was intoxicating, her smell, her warmth and soft touch. It calmed my anger but made me feel deeply uncomfortable.

That is why I am here, somehow I need to find forgiveness from myself and from her.

Tifa constantly resided in the back of my mind when I left for the City as a boy but as time wore on my hope for meeting her again faded.

Then I met Aries.

Her beauty was different to Tifa, she was innocent, and fragile. But she was tough, brave and open, I grew to admire and even love her.

Our evening spent in the Golden Saucer I was in a complete daze, she was so close in the fun fare I could see every detail of her face and count every eyelash.

Then she was snatched away and my heart broke.

I grieved for a long time; even now I still bear the burden.

Now, however I'm beginning to wonder if it's time to let go.

Over two years have passed since her death; I have healed to a certain degree, but still lack a person to love.

I need forgiveness for betraying a memory to love another, the one I've always loved.

My eyes traveled the pool of still water lifting to the brightly lit roof, starring heavenwards awaiting an answer.

* * *

There came a soft patter of footsteps and the rustling of clothes. I felt the warmth and weight for someone lay beside me.

"Cloud?" a soft voice whispered, her hand snaked through the flowers and found mine.

I turned to her.

"I thought I'd find you hear, especially as you left the bike behind," Tifa whispered her finders caressing mine.

"I need to think," I replied turning my head away.

I felt her take a shuddering breath and her fingers loosened their grip, "I need to explain what happen last night," she burst out as if it had been weighing upon her. "I'm sorry –"

"No, I'm the one who should be sorry," I cut across her.

"You only did what I should of, you were protecting me. It never should have happened,"

"It comes with the job," I said bitterly.

She was silent for a second then turned propping herself on her elbows. "No, it doesn't it comes from caring too much." Her voice was steady now.

Inquisitively I turned back to her.

"How long have you known each other Cloud?" she asked twisting a leaf between her fingers.  
"A long time," I replied softly. "You know that just as well as I do."

"But how well do we truly know each other?"

My eyes lowered slightly. It was true we had known each other since we were small children but sill knew very little about one another.

"The only think I have come to know about you," Tifa continued smiling a little. I had force myself to listen again. "I know how to read your moods." I could feel the colour draining from my face. "Although you spend a lot of you time away from home I can still see what you're thinking."

Licking my dry lips and asked the question that immediately came to my lips: "What am I thinking now?"

She rolled back down again, her body language changing subtly.

"I knew you'd be here. This is where you to go relax and forget the past," the previously playfulness was gone now replaced by a harder tone. "Sometimes, I think however you don't wish to forget the past completely."

Slightly shocked and bemused I onto my side and looked at her directly. "Of course I want to forget it all, you know that better then most others. Why would say that?"

Of course I already knew the meaning behind her words but I wasn't going to say it. I was ready to let go of my love for Aries, but I needed to be sure if Tifa was ready to accept that her she and give into forgiving a fool like me.

She turned her head to face me and held my eye. This was a strange moment, I can't remember the last time she held my eye so fiercely nor as strongly as she was now.

"You know exactly what I meant. That's why you're here isn't it? You miss her," she turned her face away angrily.

I signed loudly. There was no point in lying she'd only see through it. "Yes, I do miss her, we all do. She was unique and irreplaceable but people move on." Slowly I raised a hand to brush her cheek. "I've moved on."

Turning to face me Tifa blinked in silence for a second. "You've buried the candle of her?"

I slid closer brushing her cheek again. "The truth is Tifa I've always admired you since I kid. I was never allowed to have you but I didn't give up. I tried to impress you when I went to Midgar but we both know that was a disaster.

Then when I met you again I nearly fainted, and when you came along on the mission with us I couldn't stop staring or shaking the whole time. I think Barett thought I was frightened or something he didn't say much just urged me onwards.

My admiration continued until it reached its pitch last night. I think that's when I realised I couldn't undo what had happened.

I came here to ask for her forgiveness."

"Forgiveness what for?" She asked in a whisper. I hadn't noticed it while I had been speaking for I found it strange at long last to be able to talk to her about this subject she had pressed herself closer so our bodies were touching.

"For letting her go at last in stead of another wonderful woman," Leaning forward our foreheads touched and our lips twitched.

Breathlessly she asked softly with the water reflecting in her eyes. "Did you find the answer you were looking for?"

Inching my face closer to hers I breathed softly feeling myself being drawn into her beauty like child is with their first love.

"I haven't heard any objections."

Tenderly, cautiously we closed the gap between us lightly pressing our lips together.

Smiling with relief she broke the kiss: "I knew you had courage Cloud, but I doubted you had this much."

I smirked, relaxing my body as she firmly pushed me back onto the flower bed kissing my lips again with more purpose this time.

Around us a soft breeze rose lifting the disturbed petals into the air, where they swirled above for several second before fluttering down upon us like confetti at a wedding.

"I think we've been blessed to continue," I said softly wrapping my arms around Tifa's petite frame.

It seemed after all the torture we had enduring, all the hardships we had seen and the pain we had suffered had still given us a happy ending after all.


End file.
